Sir, I recently sent a postal order for 3 guineas to an advertisement in the "personals" section of a gentleman's periodical. "Receive by return post,a photolithograph of a mistress most strict". I may have been hoodwinked.
Sir, Settling in my library with a glass of brandy, I read a volume purporting to predict the future. Within 150 years, electrical machinery shall revolutionize all manner of daily activity. Studying the illustration brings me great unease. I write to Si
Sirs and Madames, May I thank you most wholeheartedly for your continuing vigilance in reporting the unwanted promotional material that urchins have been leaving here of late. The lazy maids responsible have been punished.
Maid Elsie tells me she wears a hat that she is unable to remove. "Can your other clothes be removed?" I ask. "Why yes sir", and she demonstrates. "But not your hat?" "No, sir." I suspect she has been at the Laudanum again.
Sir, Maid Edith has only a hard wooden chair at home. I catch her admiring my soft luxurious furniture. "It do look such comfort to sit upon" she sighs. I offer to show how there is an even better way to enjoy it's softness and luxury against the skin
Sir, My philanthropy is widely known, but today I felt I could go further. With immediate effect I have instigated a penny increase in all female staff wages. Staff merely have to work naked to receive this bonus. (Subject to Lady B___'s absence)
Sir, I out to the furniture emporium, to purchase a chaise longue for Lady B___. Upon its delivery, I am most anxious as to it's comfort. I enlist Maid Ellie to advise me as to it's skin feel. "How do you mean, sir?" she enquires.
Sir, Lady B___ do insist on new drapes be fitted in her chamber, to prevent spying eyes from seeing her in a state of undress. I enlist maid Lina to help prove that no part of a naked body is visible through the drapes. This scientific experimentation do
Sirs and Madames, I most cordially welcome our new members who have arrived at the door of our club. All are welcome and I trust you will have an enjoyable stay here. I have instructed the maid to put extra coal on the fire for your comfort.
Sir, A new system for "peer assessment" of staff comes to my attention. I am all for modern progress, but I do sometimes prefer the old ways. Or at least permit me to watch the proceedings.
Sir, Upon reading of the modern "Sapphic Love" in a book within my library, I had some maids attempt the embrace as described. I have to say that I concur with Her Majesty Queen Victoria - I cannot imagine this arrangement being very pleasurable. Altho
Sir, a maid had to leave my employ most suddenly, and so I was seeking a speedy replacement. I requested some particulars from the agency, and one candidate had enclosed a photolithograph. Do you know, I think she will be just perfect for the position.
