I have the best mistress because she keeps me locked up 24/7 no matter how much I complain. She is the sexiest woman alive and gives me attention I don’t deserve.
Condom Fairy—me, 10yrs ago, handing out free condoms to every man I saw at my first-weekend-of-college festival. Would *you* have used a condom on the Condom F*ggot, Sir?